if()

If you can write good code when those about you,
Are breaking builds and blaming it on you;
If you can trust your tests when others doubt you,
And write more tests to cover their code too;
If you can patch and not be bored by patching,
And never prematurely optimise;
Or understand Haskell’s pattern-matching,
And not expect a coding Nobel Prize:

If you can branch – and not commit to master;
Or write terse code – and not make golf your aim;
If your app can recover from disaster
And restart so the state is just the same;
If you can bear to see your OAuth token,
Rejected by an API of fools,
Or find a legacy application, broken,
And fix it up with twenty-year-old tools:

If you can make one heap of all your objects,
And risk them on one garbage-collector pass,
And leak memory because of runtime defects,
And create a workaround within in your class;
If you can force a knackered, ancient server,
To run your site although it’s obsolete;
If you can keep on learning things with fervour,
Or answer a C# question before Jon Skeet:

If you know it’s OK sometimes to goto,
Or unwind loops – to speed up just a touch;
If you don’t let your language choice denote you;
If all platforms count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving git clone,
With 60K of SOLID code (compiled),
Yours is the desktop, laptop, tablet, smartphone,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Dev, my child.

With apologies to Rudyard Kipling.

License: CC Attribution 3.0

(This was originally posted to the Zudio blog by accident (blame Windows Live Writer). I’m migrating that blog to a different back-end, so I’ve put this here, where it was supposed to be.)

Comments

  1. Haha! Genius! Mark, that’s awesome.

  2. This is great – even though I don’t know all the jargon. Kipling’s “If” is a great poem to parody. I’ve done 5 versions about being A Poet, A Mother, A Secretary, a WI member and a Cyclist. Somewhere I expect someone has made collection of parodies of “IF” – if not, why not? Loved it,

  3. No apologies needed to Kipling! This is fantastic!

  4. Funny

  5. Yes, no apologies. Great Work.

  6. This definitely made my day!! Haha. Great work!!! Love it. 5 stars or a million I guess. :P

  7. Reblogged this on OSCaR LaND…THE BLOG.

  8. Terrific! :)

  9. Great!!

  10. ahahah I can totally relate..

    if you’re a VB.net code and despised by C#-pist
    when underneath is .net

    if youre implementing scrum, and you still scram for deadlines.

    lol

    good post :)

  11. Love it.

  12. PRINCE MARCH MRAZ says:

    Reblogged this on 코리아카지노 우리카지노 http://WWW.JOWA9.COM 다모아카지노 월드카지노 썬시티카지노 에이플러스카지노 윈스카지노 정선카지노 태양성카지노 강원랜드카지노 핼로우카지노 헬로우카지노 핼로카지노 헬로카지노 바카라카지노 and commented:
    코리아카지노 우리카지노 ▶ JOWA9.COM 다모아카지노 월드카지노 썬시티카지노 에이플러스카지노 윈스카지노 정선카지노 태양성카지노 강원랜드카지노 핼로우카지노 헬로우카지노 핼로카지노 헬로카지노 바카라카지노

  13. Well done! Share(developer_friends)

  14. Props for the Haskell bit. ^_^ Nicely done.

  15. Reblogged this on Rupali's Notebook and commented:
    Amazing !!

  16. Reblogged this on Floetic Poectic Melodic Tunes.

  17. haha :D reblogging it ;)

  18. Awesome

  19. Reblogged this on Elaine Beare and commented:
    The original of this poem was a masterpiece, and one of my favourites (despite being a woman!!) but I have to say I do like your version also – very well thought out :)

  20. The original of this poem was a masterpiece, and one of my favourites (despite being a woman!!) but I have to say I do like your version also – very well thought out :)

  21. Anonymous says:

    this is great. this poem used to be my favourite in school. haha.

  22. Reblogged this on kurma and karma.

Trackbacks

  1. […] 14, 2014 BY MARKRENDLE 20 COMMENTS  (http://blog.markrendle.net/2014/01/14/if/) If you can write good code when those about you, Are […]

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